Waves n Sands

Ethan! My darling neighbor. The best thing to do when I am bored of studying is to go and talk to (or rather communicate with) Ethan. This cute and adventurous boy has the most innocent and mischievous grin that I have seen. I especially like the way he scrambles up the marble seat in their balcony and enjoys the view. And when he is done with his stunts, he says one of his favorite words from his ever expanding vocabulary.. Down! And then somebody has to rush into the balcony to help him down. Hats off to his mummy for having the stamina and patience to keep up with him, because when he goes on an exploring spree, there is no telling what he will do!. There are, however, quite a few things that I have learned from this dude:

• The best way to win someones heart is to give them a flying kiss.
• When you need help, ask for it! There are a lot of nice people in this world.
• Smile at everyone you meet. It makes you feel good, and others too!
• If you wish to, you can touch the stars, you only have to imagine
• If you don’t like something, if something is irritating or worrying you, don’t sit and ponder, just fling it out of the window!
• Constantly explore your surroundings, just because we are too busy to appreciate it, the world doesn’t stop being a beautiful place.
• Crying is not the solution to everything, although its worth giving it a shot if your sympathy factor is strong!
• Always share your toys with others, you never know when you might need theirs.
• The best way to live life is smile, laugh, sleep, eat, poop, and explore all day. If possible throw in some driving around in a tricycle listening to music.
• Overcome illness with not as much as a squeak! And return with full enthusiasm to continue living the great life as explained above.

I think all of us forget these basic things very often. No trouble, no situation is too big a deal to let you hamper your enthusiasm if only you have the simple wish to have a good time. Thanks Ethan! God bless you!

With exams drawing closer, my rate of watching TV increases in direct proportion. What with IPL matches and nice movies, studies seem the most boring option as usual. Anyways, was watching In Her Shoes. Its not really a classic, or something you would like to watch many times, but I liked it. One dialog made me think (There i go again……) A guy asks his friend whether she misses her job; she used to be, after all, the first to come to office and the last to leave. And she replies that it was not the work that she loved, it was just the thing that was holding her together, she would fall apart without having something to do.

What holds people together? Here are some options that I have seen..
Some people do live off work. Not workaholics, although they are a valid category too, but these are people who like the respect, the responsibility. People who like the position of importance that they are given, even if it means suffering on other fronts. What holds these people together? Respect.

Some people thrive on academic success. Given a choice to do something fun in the holidays, they would open a book and prepare for the next semester. Topping the class in exams, being the first to submit files, being the first to complete assignments, being the first to shoot upright when a professor enters the classroom. What holds these people together? Knowledge that they are ahead of others…even if it is by half a mark.

Some people need drama. They need to be told they are needed and loved all the time. They need attention. They need to live life like a movie, writing poems, holding conversations complete with sighs and giggles. They need to forget the so-called ties of society and enjoy their lives without caring for right or wrong, good or bad. It is happiness for them, not running away from responsibilities. What holds them together? The wild pleasure of doing something non-traditional, of going against the rules, and standing up proud having done so.

Some people need security. The knowledge that someone will be there to hold them when they falter in life. The build their lives, anchored around other people. They live their life through them, unaware, that others have their own lives to look after. These people clutch and grab at every relationship that they have, forever afraid that something will go wrong. What holds them together? Finding someone, who needs them as much as they need them.

Some people live off their contacts. The fact that 20 people will say hi to them on the roads int he city seems to give them a high. They gain lot of pleasure in flicking their cells on and calling XYZ to have your problem fixed, and give that knowing smile that says….there…its so easy for me to solve problems. What holds them together? Knowing that there is always some way in which they are useful, that they have a purpose.

Some people live for others. They spend their lives sacrificing and enduring, hoping that they are giving back enough of what they are getting. They find things to do, favours to extend, always ready to give, whatever it takes. What hold them together? The knowledge that their actions, somehow make them worthy of others’ love.

Whatever it maybe, there needs to be an object, or a person that makes life worth living. Everyone needs some source of satisfaction, of knowing that each moment is leading to some clear goal, some clear destination. I think thats the common factor that all human beings need. On that note, a beautiful quote:

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best,” and then he had to stop and think.  Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.  ~A.A. Milne

Had not read something intriguing for a long time, life can be really really busy if you know how to make every moment worthwhile ( a new lesson that I learned recently, while I was organizing a tech-fest for my college) . And a few days ago sheer boredom forced me to borrow something form a friend. And I am so glad I took the time to read this one, and I am going to buy myself a copy as soon as possible.

A Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini is the beautiful and yet heart-wrenchingly tragic story of two women from Afghanistan. Reading this book really made me wonder why I sob and mourn about my own problems. Recently Ive come to realize that the words my problems are very relative and really hard to explain. Just like pain and pleasure cannot be measured and set up against a  standard scale, problems is something you cant really measure. You never really know whether others face the same situations, go through the same emotions, or react to reality in the same way as you do. You never really know whether the grass is greener on the other side or not. But this book changed that notion of mine just a tad bit. Some problems and circumstances are beyond comparison with anything on the earth.

I don’t want to waste time explaining the plot here. The beauty with which the scenes unfold cannot be recreated, you have to actually read the book and marvel at it. But as usually happens in my case, the plot and story are not so important. What I really liked (and always do like about books like these) are the words; certain phrases and observations that you read again and again and they show a new meaning everytime. This book is full of such words.

So here are a few of them:

——

You are afraid, Nana, that i might find the happiness you never had. And you don’t want me to be happy. You don’t want a good life for me. You are the one with the wretched heart. If she could articulate this she would have said these words to Nana. That she was tired of being an instrument, of being lied to, laid claim to, used. That she was sick of Nana twisting the truths of their lives and making her another of her grievances against the world.

——

It was a dark maroon silk shawl with beaded fringes, and edges embroidered with gold thread.
“Do you like it?”
Mariam looked up. Rasheed did a touching thing then. He blinked and averted his gaze.
Mariam thought of Jalil. His empathic, jovial way with which he had pushed his jewelery at her, the overpowering cheerfulness that left no room for response but meek gratitude. Nana had been right about Jalils gifts. They had been half hearted tokens of penance, insincere, corrupt gestures, meant more for his appeasement than for hers. This shawl, Mariam saw, was a true gift.
“It is beautiful”,she said.

——-

Mammy was soon asleep, leaving Laila with dueling emotions. She would never leave a mark on Mammy’s heart the way her brothers had, because Mammys heart was like a pallid beach where Lailas footprints would forever wash away beneath the waves of sorrow that swelled and crashed, swelled and crashed.

——-

Often it happened at dinner, when she and Babi were at the table. When it started, their heads snapped up. They listened to the whistling, forks in mid air, un-chewed food in their mouths. Laila saw the reflections of their half-lit faces on the pitch black windows, their shadows unmoving on the walls. The whistling. Then the blast, blissfully elsewhere, followed by the expulsion of breath and the knowledge that they had been spared for now, and somewhere else, amid cries and choking clouds of smoke, there was a scrambling, a bare-handed frenzy of digging, of pulling from the debris, what remained of a sister, a brother, or  a grandchild.

But the flip-side of being spared was the agony of wondering who hadn’t. After every rocket balst, Laila raced to the street, stammering a prayer that this time, surely this time, it was Tariq, they would find buried beneath the rubble and smoke.

———

What if my life was a movie? A few months ago, I would have scoffed at the idea, but these days I have become very filmy. I don’t believe I am quite the drama queen, but these days I think life is not short of a big time masala movie. Reading a few of my recent posts, one would wonder why in the world I like making life seem so complicated and drama-filled. So lets do this experiment…..What if life was a movie? What if i could bring this reel of life to a screeching halt and modify it and write a script for my own life?

Hmmmmm…….lets get kiddish here………what if I was the female version of Ritchie Rich?

1) There would definitely be at least three dogs at home (in reality there are none). One Alsatian to guard us, one retriever to love us unconditionally, and one mongrel who would keep doing crazy stunts.

2) We would live in a brick house next to the sea.

3) My prince charming would not come on a horse, he would come in a CRV

4) One floor for the doggies, one for family, one for grannies and grandpas.

5) There would be lots of woods around the house where me and my friends could go camping and exploring( I have read too many famous five books, still do..)

6) There would be a library on the top floor, and a kitchen, so I could read my favourite books while munching on fried chicken or pizza.

7)There would be no villains.

8 ) Father would never go to work, mother would never cook or clean.

9) There would be a 24 hour mechanics workshop for nisheed, a 24 hour laughter channel on TV for hari, a room full of gaming portals for adhi.

10) Attend college from home. Have online videos of lectures, perform pracs on your own.

Wow what a life…

But then it wouldn’t be me. I would get bored with no scope for growth. I would perhaps be more unhappy. Whatever the state of things, at least I have the satisfaction of having lived my life my way.

Life can be cruel, it could be unfair, sad, euphoric and funny at the same time. You can complain all you like, but bottom line is you would never want to change it. Like my friend maverick says in his blog,

If given a chance, I’d do somethings differently than what I had

done. But then I wouldn’t be the same person. Life’z like that.

I said a rude thing to my best friend today, I felt bad about it later, but there are some things that you just cant change. I face troubles of my own that seem like mountains today, but maybe I will look back at them in the future and laugh at it all. But this is what makes me who I am!

However much I might hate it right now, maybe further in life, I will actually want to go back to where I am today, and stay like this forever.

Thanks maverick for that great one liner, and thanks to fate for giving me this life.

PS: Please dont watch U Me Aur Hum, it is terrible.

Have left the teen ages behind a long time ago,
But the kid in me never seems to take leave
Got a job in the offing a year from now,
But still too lazy to go and get a PAN card done

With the world of females craving to straighten their hair,
I seem to be the only one in love with curls
Watching every girl I know trying to look like a woman,
And all I want to do is be the girl with the snorting laugh

So happy one moment, so lonely and sad the next moment,
Are these the famous pangs of adolescence?
Nah, I think they are over-rated, these typical excuses
Maybe this is what it takes to grow up.

But what if I dont want to? Do I have a choice?
What if I have seen the world of the adults,
And I loath it already, the profanity
What if I detest it already

Call it running away from responsibilities if you may,
Or even call me a coward for hating this thing called destiny
For I have been there in that world of selfish individuals
When push comes to shove, there are no families and friends, only individuals

So here I am, stuck in a trap, desperate
To come out of this cocoon, and yet unwilling
Decisions and responsibilities, no longer just big words
So tell me then, what does it take to grow up?

The lyrics of a song by Budapest. One of my favourites.

Budapest

Evade the Pain

Rounded up the problems that I’m feeling here today.

Wrap them up and hide them out of sight and far away.

Take the ball and chain away that always keeps me down.

The sun won’t always shine just ‘cause you’re sheltered from the rain.

Everything worth anything will never be the same.

You can write a brand new chapter but you’ll never change the end.

So twist one more, all though I know you’ll break me.

Just be sure that I’m still in the game.

As long as I forever keep on twisting,

Evade the pain.

Solitude is where it tends to hit me really hard.

I keep myself in company, I’m keeping up my guard.

Turn my back and hide from what is standing right behind.

So twist one more, although I know you’ll break me.

Just be sure that I’m still in the game.

As long as I forever keep on twisting,

Evade the pain.

Everything I know is different,

Darker, colder, smaller, thinner,

Everything I know is different now, different now, it’s different now.

Disclaimer: I am not writing this post to make any sort of judgment over the death of Scarlett Keeling. What happened to her was wrong, but who was to blame will never be certain.

I have seen four kinds of foreigners in Goa.

The ones that look like they have been staying here for a while. These are people who look extremely comfortable with wearing what everyone around them is wearing, you have to look at them twice to really see that they don’t come from around here. They are spotted more in art exhibitions and music shows rather than on the beaches. They carry diaries and journals rather than cameras and bottled water. These are usually people with genuine interest in Goa and its culture. Many of them stay in Goa to learn some kind of art; some form of music (i think an extraordinarily large number are fascinated with the sitar). Be it a way to get away from the bland lifestyle of the west or way to start a new life, they are really interested in staying here for a while. They also know the ways of the land they are living in. They make sure they don’t leave their 15 year old daughters alone on the beach full of rowdy drunk men after dinner time, or that they don’t attend late night shows without arranging for transport.

The other type is the hippies. Everyone knows of Goa’s reputation as the haven of drug users and rave parties. These parties are often misunderstood for what they are not, but it is true, that it is a dangerous affair in all. These ear, nose (and god knows what else)-pierced people roam the beach strip on enfeild bullets and bikes. Most of them appear harmless to someone as gullible(giggle) as me, but frankly I know as much about them as I know about Goas nightlife. (which is to say I know nothing at all), so i’d better shut my mouth right here.

The third kind are the ones that roam the streets of panjim wearing shorts and cotton kurtas, looking not quite so comfortable in their Indian clothes, but willing to try and blend in, in order to observe Goa and its lifestyle more closely. To my imaginative (and modest ) brain, they are the journalists, they will probably go back home and publish a book or showcase a documentary on Goa and its culture.

The last kind are the tourists. The lost expressions show they have not done their homework. The revealing bikinis that they wear while walking on the busy(or not so busy after all) streets of our cities, show how negligent they are of the fact that they are standing out. Their bright red tans show they are here to enjoy to their utmost. These people don’t really care about being polite or clean or anything else, they are here to have a good time and go back to their land with tans to show off the tropical country that they visited.

To wind up, a few pointers:

• Goa is and always will be the most peaceful and calm place that I have seen.
• Tourists: (especially Indian) Do dive in and frolic in the water on your first few days here, then try sitting calmly by the beach and sipping coconut water.
• Foreigners: Come here to find yourself, not some fantasy land.
• Media: The things because of which you label Goa unsafe happen out on the streets in your metro cities too. It is unfair that they dont make headlines then.
• Goa needs the tourists for revenue, the tourists need Goa to have the best time in their lives. It is symbiosis. Both sides are to blame for anything that goes wrong, and both will be affected equally.
• To the culprits: Think before you cut off the hand that feeds you.
• To the visitors: This is a place where you will get some of the most pleasant and hospitable people. It is a statistical fact that the tourists and visitors produce more garbage and human waste in Goa than the residents do. Th least you visitors can do is take care of yourself and this beautiful land around you.

I was watching the movie The Bridges of Madison County yesterday. Frankly I found it pretty boring, but some of the things the characters say are thought provoking.

Change is something most people are afraid of. The only way to fight it is to consider it as one of the things in life that you can count on. When you do that, all the perspectives change. There are, after all very few things you can count on.

Theses lines remind me of something else that I had read. There is only one certainty in the world, that everything is uncertain.Those lines really made me think. Is it not true, how we expect things to be the same forever? How scared we are of the uncertainties of life? So what do we do? We make a paradigm shift. We start counting on the fact that everything is going to change. That nothing is permanent. That things will always get better or worse. Followers of Murphy will say they always get worse, but mostly all of us will be hoping they always get better.

Placement season in college always means loads of tension and competition. You look at the people around you in the room and make your own totem pole. I think I am better than him, him, her and her. Some get their jobs, you are one of them. (you thank all your lucky stars and gods and goddesses for that). And then you think of the big topic. CHANGE. Things that you were aware of, but never gave a serious thought to, come to your mind. The thought of living on your own, the thought of earning your first penny, the thought of being surrounded by strangers. Thoughts of having finally begun the unending quest of knowing what you want and getting there. Thoughts of finally having to accept responsibility of your own actions. CHANGE.

Just as situations change, people change too. A mother of two kids says she doesn’t know her husband.  When she goes for foreign trip with him, she feels she is with a stranger. It is because people are always changing. Always adapting, always adjusting. You think you really know a person? Think again. They have already changed by the time you have come close to understanding them. The trick, then is to see if you are still happy. If you still  manage to laugh and cry and share, and most important of all, have long conversations with them, you will probably know them best.  This generation of young people will not marry for social/financial/economic security. They will look for emotional security. Thats when you start counting on change. Hoping that it ill only help you face life better, help you understand some of the mysteries, and teach you to just forget about those that cannot be solved.

Like Sheryl crow says…a change will do you good.

I have lived really short and relatively uneventful life. And yet some lessons have been learnt.

1. Promise yourself that you will do one small selfless act everyday. (Even smiling and being polite when you really don’t feel like it will suffice) It feels great!!
2. There are two kinds of aam admi : One who does everything that he is sure will not be harmful to him. One who doesn’t do anything that is not beneficial to him.(One will stop and help when he sees a road accident, the other will probably stare at it some time and move on)
3. You are usually clueless about the things that people in the world are going through. News is only what the media decides to tell the world, what you grasp is only things that are likely to affect you directly.
4. First you need to overcome adversity, then you need to become extremely rich..then you can become Oprah.
5. One of the best joys in the world is seeing a baby who has just learned to walk wobble unsteadily towards you, with trust and admiration written all over his face.
6. Yummy food and loud music may be junk, but they sure clear your mind like nothing else can.
7. All relationships (including family friends and loved ones) are bounded by certain limits. Make sure you are just being sentimental when you say “What would I do without you”. You might just be given the chance to find out.
8. If you want to be popular, be nice. If you say you don’t want popularity, don’t crib about the horrible public you are surrounded by.
9. Don’t ask too many questions about life. Life is a boon. Remember that.
10. Your family is your best asset. Every time you feel like complaining, remind yourself that you are taking too much for granted.

An elephant and his mahut, a dog and his master, waking side by side would not have any problems doing that. Imagine two humans walking side by side on an unending road. There will come a time when they start thinking about why the other is walking half a step ahead of himself/herself or why they are walking together in the first place, or whether others are also walking in the same way. There is always this certain urge in humans to think too much. To wonder about things that are usually just rhetoric questions, or out of their control, but sometimes just plain absurd.

In extraordinary cases, it has lead to astounding revelations and discoveries, massive conquering conquests. But not everyone is extraordinary.

Two things come to mind… “The key to happiness is a weak memory” by Rita Mae Brown. And a tag line, one of my good friends used in his google talk tag message… “There are only two ways to be miserable…to think about everything….to not think about anything.”

The above words might reek of pessimism, but somehow they make sense to me right now. The human mind is not designed to let things go, to forget them. Thats what makes scientists and engineers follow their impossible dreams and make them possible. That is what makes art flow out from the inspired. This constant urge to hold everything in ones fist; to have control over things, the necessity of remaining informed. The craving for gossip, news. The insatiable need to have everything your own way. But all of it stops dead when it comes to the unknown.

The future. Nobody likes to have a thousand thoughts flooding through their head about the uncertainties of the future. And yet they keep on coming and you cant even stop them. Going round and round in your head, making you sleepless, driving you crazy.

The past. Things that will never be the same, questions that might never be answered, injustices that might never be set right, gratitude that might have not been expressed satisfactorily. Goodbyes that should have been said better.

Outer space. The reason why we can invest so much in the unknown. The sheer vastness of the universe. The dream of many young kids.

Blind faith. Another unknown. An easy way out of life’s important decisions. The best way to leave everything to that ultimate force to take care of; ans accept the outcome, whatever it is.

Whatever it thinks about, once the mind starts the thinking process, it is very difficult to stop it, and very addictive to continue thinking. And then Shakespeare gets the opportunity to write the famous words..’To be or not to be’. And the constant struggle of the human mind to understand and control everything that happens continues.